OK, so you think you’ve got the next few months planned out and then a major link in the chain drops out. Where is God in that empty, sinking, confused feeling that seems to take over every thought, and completely mangle your attempts at prayer?
You’ve probably guessed by now that the last few days haven’t gone smoothly! And you’re right. For months we’ve been going through planning and building regs applications with our very efficient architect, and keeping the builder we want in the loop, working towards a commencement date in late April, and a budget based on 10% more than their estimate figures because we know the economy is playing whatsit with things.
So, when the builder arrived to agree spec, price and dates, discovering the price was 20% over estimates, with an earliest start date in late July, definitely counted as bombshells.
Suddenly, all the other things that need doing in the same time frame mount up in your mind, and you are looking at a mountain. The health issues drag you down more, the studies seem even more daunting, and the impact of other news seems magnified. Suddenly, despite all attempts at prayer, you can’t string things together, and without wishing to put barriers in the way, you can’t feel God, or see or hear answers.
I suppose fortunately this was my first Sunday back in my home parish, and this meant there was a ministry team on hand to pick up the rather shredded trainee who had returned. And that’s why having a ministry team, or friends who can pray for you, are so vital. There really are times (and I know from experience they can be worse than this) when their prayers provide comfort, and a knowledge that someone is still tuned in to God, even if you’re not quite there yourself. Holding on to what they say and do in prayer, is what can maintain our faith… it provides the re-assurance that God is still there, is supporting us in this mess called life, and somehow there will be a resolution which will give him the glory.
At least, that’s what I holding on to today.